About the Book
Book Title: It’s Momplicated
Author: Debbie Alsdorf * Joan Edwards Kay
Genre: Non-fiction
Release date: September 4, 2018
Let’s face it: when it comes to mothers and their daughters, things can get a little . . . complicated.
Momplicated, you might say.
Whether your relationship with your mom has been wonderful or stressful, redeemed or broken, close or nonexistent, it’s one of your life’s most important and defining connections. Its effects have probably followed you into adulthood.
If you have conflicting feelings toward mom—or if you wish you could get past some of the baggage that holds you back—this is your book. Combining spiritual disciplines and the best of current therapeutic practice, It’s Momplicated will help you discover
- How your early connection with your mother may have impacted your sense of self and your other important relationships—and what you can do to break the cycle
- Why you and your mother have the relationship you have—the underlying reasons that may be contributing to strain and unease
- Tools and exercises to help you cope with some of the most common effects of a broken relationship, including anxiety, depression, lack of confidence, and trust issues
- How to be the daughter and mother God wants you to be even if your mom wasn’t who you needed her to be.
It’s never too late to love, never too late to heal, and never too late to trust God to turn the pain in your story into a redemption song. As you read It’s Momplicated, you’ll realize that while God doesn’t promise to fix all your circumstances, He does promise to uphold you and lead you to a healing place of knowing you are truly precious and loved, no matter how your past has affected you
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About the Authors
Debbie Alsdorf: For the past twenty-five years, through her speaking and writing, Debbie Alsdorf’s mission has been to help women live a better story by leading them to the heart of God’s love and the truth of his Word. Debbie is a biblical lay counselor, a Christian life coach, and the founder of Design4Living Ministries. She and her husband, Ray, have raised a blended family of four adult children. Today Debbie’s favorite role is being a grandma to ten little ones.
Joan Kay Edwards:
Joan Edwards Kay is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the East Bay of San Francisco and has been an adjunct professor at Western Seminary. She received her bachelor’s degree from Vassar College and her master’s degree from Western Seminary. She is happily married with two adult daughters, four stepdaughters, and five grandchildren.
Guest Post from Debbie and Joan
Mom. Mother. Mommy.
What do those words evoke in you? Wonderful memories of home cooked meals? A longing for nurture that was never fully met? A sense of not being enough? Gratitude? Sadness and loss? Anger and resentment?
Most women have a complex reaction when asked to think about their mothers–a mix of positive and negative, gratitude and hurt, happy and sad memories. Our relationships with our mothers are unique, rich, and complicated.
Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are Debbie Alsdorf and Joan Edwards Kay, friends who have written a book together that explores the issue of moms and their profound effect on daughters. It’s Momplicated: Hope and Healing for Imperfect Daughters of Imperfect Mothers releases this September 4th, 2018. Since every woman is a daughter, this book is for every women.
Every daughter receives less-than-perfect programming from her mother. The messages may be about our value, or how to relate to others, or even about how we think about bodies. However, God is our perfect parent who wants to rewrite that imperfect programming with his truth. Many of us don’t realize the wrong messages that are deep in our souls.
I (Debbie) grew up with a mother who was cold, distant and unavailable. I have one sister who was in her teens when I was born and married by the time I started school, leaving me to be raised as an only child. I grew up wondering what was wrong with me, “Why didn’t mom want to spend time with me? Why didn’t she hug me and hold me close like other moms did? Why was nothing I did to earn her approval good enough?” I was deeply imprinted with wounds of rejection and carried them through most of my adult life, even though I pasted on a smile, kept trying to do better, and could be the life of any gathering. On the inside, I was sad for as long as I can remember. Through working on this book, I have experienced a phenomenal inner healing, the exposing of lies long held secretly in my heart, and the ability to see the way the enemy of my soul has tried to use the “not enough” belief against me. I am beyond excited for other women to have the courage to own their own story, inviting Jesus to meet them in any points of pain and any relationships that need healing.
I (Joan) had a stay-at-home mom who cooked dinner every night, took us to the library and the beach, did art projects with us, and made me feel safe and happy. However, when I was nine years old, my father and then my brother both died of cancer within a year and my relationship with my mother changed. Understandably, she struggled to just hold herself together, but in my young mind I felt abandoned by her. I didn’t have the capacity to deal with all the loss and she didn’t have the strength to help me. I felt emotionally lost and alone. I longed for my mother to comfort me and show me how to overcome my pain. In retrospect, I wish she had shown me faith in a God who could bring hope and meaning to the devastation that had hit our family. But she was not a believer and did her best to stuff away the feelings and soldier on. I was deeply imprinted with the belief, I’m alone and can only depend on myself. As I worked on this project, the root of many of my struggles became clear to me and God has been comforting those young, lonely parts of me with his presence and his love.
What is your story with your mother? What false beliefs has this important relationship imprinted on your heart, and how does God’s truth rewrite them? It is our hope that every woman, as God’s daughter, will learn the beauty of who she is and receive her own healing so she can leave a legacy of faith, hope and beauty to the generation of women that follow.
One thing we know for sure: there are no perfect moms, just women partnering with a perfect God.
The title of the book grabbed my attention right away. A book about relationships with your mother is not something I wanted to read. I will say that the authors do a great job of sharing their stories and helping readers understand the dynamics of mothers. I grew up in a very violent and abusive home. I have no idea what it is like to know that your mom loves you. That word was never spoken to me, and oh how I longed to have a mother who was proud of her daughter. After all these years later, the pain of rejection and abuse is still there.
This book is a powerful tool for everyone who has a good or difficult relationship with their mother. I really like the section at the end of every chapter that has questions you can answer to help you understand the reasons why your relationship you have had with your mother is good or needs work. I appreciate how the authors go into details about how we may have believed things said to us that stayed planted in our minds throughout the years.
Missing in my childhood was the protection and security I needed. The book helped me understand that the fear I have lived with stems from not being able to trust anyone. The stories shared by others in the book are emotional and healing at the same time. When I had my three sons, I wanted to be the perfect mom. There is no such thing, but I was determined that my boys would know that they were loved. I might have overdone it a bit with being overprotective, but the greatest joy I get is hearing my sons say without hesitation, " I love you mom."
I am thankful that I read this book and even though it was hard to get through, I have a better understanding of how much healing I need to overcome my past. My mother told me I was stupid, ugly and would never amount to anything. I will never get to experience what it feels like to be loved by parents, but " The Holy Spirit will replace the lie I have believed with God's truth."
I encourage everyone to get a copy of this book. For me it was an emotional journey that I was afraid to take. The book is filled with scriptures that give you hope, heals you and directs your heart to forgive when needed. We were all given parents whether they were good or not. I have never forgotten the commandment that says to , "Honor your mother and father." In my mother's final months she became quite ill and my father asked me to help take care of her. I did without hesitation. It didn't matter about the past, only that I was given a chance to show my mother that I honored her. I was with her when she passed away and although it was hard, I'm glad I was given the opportunity to be with her at the end. I love you mom.
" You are not defined by your mother or your past or even by yourself. You are defined by God."
I received a copy of this book from Celebrate Lit. The review is my own opinion.
Blog Stops
Giveaway
To celebrate their tour, Debbie and Joan are giving away a grand prize of a “I’m Not Like a Regular Mom” T-Shirt!!
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